Last week I took to Facebook after seemingly being inundated with news stories, commercials, and television episodes all touching on the topic of bullying. Yes, bullying is both ethically and morally wrong, and is most definitely an unpleasant test of character to whomever is the target of a bully's outburst. But I found it curious that all of the advertising and 'awareness' forces seemed to align over the past few weeks to make it a topic-du-jour; one that was staring me in the face each day.
Whenever an interpersonal conflict manifests itself, we have two choices in how to approach resolution: We can externally seek to influence the behavior of those we are in conflict with through direct confrontation, or we can internally reflect, take time to understand, rise above, and allow the conflict to resolve itself through our own personal growth.
The psychology of a bully has been, and will always be the same. A bully is born of personal insecurity and self-loathing. A bully needs attention. A bully is so unhappy with their own life situation that they resort to acting out and bringing other down with them. A bully targets someone who 'threatens' them in some way. A bully actually begs for pity and sympathy through their action.
Now, let's clarify that physical violence transcends from bullying to assault, and demands immediate intervention. When the name-calling devolves to pushing and shoving from a bully, it becomes abuse and must be stopped and dealt with on a higher level.
When it comes to the psychological torture imposed by bullies, it is true that advancements in technologies have made it easier for acts of bullying to be carried out. Not only that, but technology can provide a layer of anonymity and can be far reaching, proliferating a bullied message once it begins. But the message of the bully is still the same: Pay attention to me!
It's been brought to my attention that it is inappropriate to draw on my own personal experiences of bullying, as though getting bullied today is so different, and I cannot possibly empathize or imagine what it's like in someone else's shoes, even though I've been there. True, technology wasn't a factor while I was growing up, but the psychology of the situation is the same as it has ever been. But alas, I will refrain from drawing on my own experiences in demonstrating my thoughts on the current pop-culture message on the subject.
Continuing on that line of thinking, I suppose that invoking some of the following basic philosophies taught while I was growing up are also inappropriate: "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me," "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all," "Don't let someone who's not worth your time get the best of you," "Be the bigger person and walk away," etc, etc.
But what about philosophies we as a society have been taught for 2000 years? What about turning the other cheek? What about forgiving someone who has wronged you seventy-times seven times? What about the Golden Rule? What about forgiving those who know not what they do? See, these teachings are not easy to always follow, but are teachings that truly help an individual to develop fortitude and a solid sense of person.
And perhaps the teachings of Jesus Christ are most applicable to the bullying arena. We're taught that Jesus loves us no matter what, and that through all trials, we must have faith, be strong, and forgive those who do us wrong. We are challenged to leave selfish desires aside and to instead look to the needs of those around us.
What is absent from those teachings is the "Woe is me," approach that society today seems to be taking with the current anti-bullying campaigns. Yes, it is up to authority figures to "Stomp out Bullying," but Demi Lovato's PSA comes off as just whiny. I feel that our society enjoys shining lights on topics such as this to deliver the message: Feel Sorry for These People.
Even more simply, campaigns such as this are about loudly fighting against an injustice. They are double-anti campaigns: against something that is "bad". The limit to the positive message that can be delivered is simply that the "bad" thing is ended, and the level of sensationalism introduced by these campaigns makes one wonder what would happen if the creativity used in these campaigns were put to actual, productive use.
But what about a double-positive campaign: Being pro something "good." Instead of anti-bullying, how about promotion of self? How about a campaign that promotes bringing people together? Wouldn't that not only leave the bully on the outside of the social circle, but also create a safe social environment? What about reinforcing that words are just that: words. Yes they can be emotionally painful, but at the end of the day, a bully's words do not prevent you from snuggling with your kitty, enjoying a movie with your family, or going about your day. Words only get in the way if you let them.
So yes, while bullying is wrong, and while pop-culture spotlights the number of suicides related to bullying, I loudly roll my eyes as far back in my head as possible when continuing to come across these campaigns. Why? Because to quash the effects of bullying, it's up to the "victim" to develop the proper tools to deal with the situation.
Bullying is a fact of life. Some people even view being bullied as a rite of passage. So why not teach people how to handle it, rather than to just say that it's wrong and needs to be stopped?
